And Overhead The Crows Are Whirling

Passing through the mirror... and through some window panes (without breaking them!)

After the recent "storms", my inner weather has turned much more favorable again. Much more work on it is ahead, in particular on keeping better balance and not to have it thrown over so easily by morons trying to convince me of bullshit. In a way it's like back in the days when I was still physically weak and idiots told me that I had to accept I could never be as strong as a man because I was a girl. It took much time and very hard work but, having recently accomplished even a 100 kg bench press, I've proven that I can in fact be stronger than many a man.
But what will be when one day I'll have to leave this body behind? So it's time to also focus on some different sort of "workout", to strengthen my consciousness. Only lately I heard an idea pronounced that I've held for a long time but never put into words: that the afterlife might possibly be like a dream, with the only difference that there will be no more body to return into. I think it was Rupert Sheldrake who said it.
One thing I'm absolutely convinced of is that in any case, consciousness is of the utmost importance.

We are always passing through the mirror again and again which separates the world of dreams from the waking world although we're hardly ever aware of the moment when it happens.
I've seen my Master again in a dream. (Yes, he's exactly like the character from the movie, in the way he looks, the way he talks and moves, the way he is evil. Is he really Satan's son? Well, to me he is. He's always been there, ever since I first saw the movie - especially the first part which is lightyears better! - when I was about 13.)
I was watching from far away somehow at first, like it was still just a movie scene. There were a couple of people coming to this temple-like place in order to talk to a priest, and my Master had taken the priest's place. Those people were unaware of the fact that he was "the enemy" but they did appear troubled and left without the comfort they had hoped for.
I thought,if only I could once look deeply into my Master's eyes and try to let him know it's me, that I'm on his side...then, I had forgotten he'll immediately know me. Not only me, everyone, knowing them by name and who they are, just as his Father does...
And so I went. "What do you want?" he'd ask me as I held his hand. "My Master," I implored, "just let me have a part in it. No matter how much or how little, if only I can have part in it at all!"
A brief nod and sinister smile from him, meaning to me the world, the whole universe, or even more... perhaps its downfall.
I felt poetically inclined for the first time in so long, in the dream I had this song in my head, only a first line, "and overhead the crows are whirling..."
When I got my chance, was it the right question to ask my Master? Given that I was not lucid and had little time to think about it, I think it was good. Telling from his reaction it must have been...

~~~

And overhead the crows are whirling,
Black stars that in white space are circling
Like an inverted galaxy
Darkening the skies, unfurling,
In savage blood and netherworldly,
The blackest banner ever seen

~~~

Then the other night I broke through and got lucid - even "surviving" multiple false awakenings (at least two, maybe three) and quickly regaining lucidity - even if I pretty much messed up in the end.
It all started at home with me sorting through some old things form my past that I had forgotten I ever owned, some CDs and metal shirts. Some were no good anymore but some were surprisingly beautiful, I think there was a Daemonarch shirt (I still love this one-off side project of Moonspell, the album titled "Hermeticum") with intricate but very subtle artwork on the back. Another one was by a band named "Pathmaster" (which most likely doesn't exist). I wanted to listen to this band and by typical dream reasoning I thought if I wrap the t-shirt around the plug of some headphones that might work. :D
But I figured this was too stupid to possibly work even in a dream, and then I realized I was dreaming!
I went out flying through the closed window. I had no plans and still rather poor control... but  flying always comes naturally when I'm lucid - and sometimes also when I'm not; I've frequently been flying in dreams even back as a small child, long before I ever read books about dreaming and learned what lucid dreams are and that many people fly in them.
So I just went around the neighborhood and ended up in some backyard where I talked to a woman until a rude man interrupted and annoyed me. I think that's when I first woke up and tried to switch on the LED spot by my bed which is set to red color (it's a light that can be set to different colors with a small remote control) because red light is the least disruptive when you hope to fall back asleep once more afterward, in order to write down my lucid dream. I switched it on and it did work but only very, very dimly (it's meant to be dim but not that extremely), when I tried to make it brighter via remote control it only got even dimmer and dimmer, then back up to the way it first was, and back down. There was only one button on the remote control where there ought to be two to control brightness (up & down). I looked at the picture of my Master on the wall next to my bed and told him my conclusion, "I'm still in a dream." My Master nodded and said, "very good."
Then I went out through the closed window once more. There were some festivities in the streets or a fair, streets were really very crowded. I tried gaining height and flying away since crowds bother me but I still had poor control and couldn't get away somehow. Some nasty guys among the crowds started bothering me with stupid remarks and stuff. I came flying at them, grabbed them by the back of the neck and crushed their faces against the wall, killing them. It was easy, as if their faces were masks with skulls of brittle plaster underneath. I think I killed three men in this way, then I started throwing lightning from my bare hands and killed a few more by striking them with the lightning bolts, all of them males. But strangely it didn't impress the rest of the crowds very much, let alone cause anyone to run away in panic as one might expect.
I woke up again. It was morning and a female friend of mine who apparently lived with me was busy making breakfast. I was looking around, this wasn't right, this wasn't my kitchen nor hers and we don't live together... and I told my friend that I was still dreaming.
"Are you?" she mumbled just by the way, as if this was perfectly unremarkable.
And out the window I went once more, this time even through the closed roller blind. It felt weird, for a brief moment I thought I was getting stuck halfway but then I passed through and was flying through the air outside with my usual, swimming motions. I tried transforming into a shark as I've long wished to do in a dream and even succeeded halfway - at least for a moment and for a first attempt it worked great, much easier than thought! Maybe I got too enthused about this because in the end I still messed up.

Should I really confess to this embarrassing episode here? Well dear readers, if you've read this far you'll probably want to know how I "messed up in the end"... so let's say for purposes of dream research I'm putting it down here.
All I can say is, the streets below were still crowded but I don't know how I encountered this guy who apparently liked me (yes, in the wrong way!) and I was at his home and he said he'd like to put me in a tub full of gummi bears - to possibly photograph me or worse. I told him he was disgusting, and in order to demonstrate just how disgusting I barfed on the floor in front of his feet. He just looked at me innocently and then I pushed his head to the floor and forced him to eat my barf - hands-free! I left him no choice but to do it and then I thought, wow,this is so disgusting he's sure gonna barf too... which he promptly did. So his own barf mixed with mine on the floor and he was forced to eat both now. Damn, I should rather have killed him too instead of this shit! But well, there's always a next time. :D